My annual movie ranking. Criteria: films widely released to theaters/streaming/DVD in 2022 that I watched in 2022 that weren’t Bruce Willis movies. See below for Bruce. Links to reviews where I had time to insert them.
Top Gun: Maverick – perfectly fulfills demands of sequeldom
Last Looks – evokes Elmore Leonard’s Hollywood
Elvis – caught in narrative trap, can’t walk out
The Batman – familiar hero weighed down by history
Everything Everywhere All at Once – Tiger Mom learns to kill with kindness
Nope – another Jordan Peele mind bomb
Downton Abbey: A New Era – beautiful, romantic, period-costumed junk food
The Lost City – fun rip-off of “Raiders,” “Stone”
The Black Phone – ’70s style overcomes horror substance
The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent – ironically mediocre self-parody of mediocrity
Father Stu – Mark Wahlberg’s suprisingly moving ne’er-do-well
Bandit – refreshingly fun Canadian caper flick
Where the Crawdads Sing – upwardly mobile product of a low-ceiling genre
Last Survivors – surprising May-December mediocrity
Weird: The Al Yankovic Story – flawed but funny mock biopic
Don’t Worry Darling – Rat Pack rat race doesn’t end well
Bullet Train – actioner bogs down under its own weightiness
Delia’s Gone – bleak yet compelling mystery
Death on the Nile – bluesy but downbeat whodunit
Moonfall – alien armageddon flick jettisons common sense
Uncharted – Indiana Jones-style video game mediocrity
The 355 – run-of-the-(fe)mill spy flick
The Bad Guys – comfortably unoriginal animation mediocrity
Secret Headquarters – kid-driven superhero mediocrity
Ambulance – antiquated action mediocrity
Morbius – (medical) textbook comic-book mediocrity
Marry Me – harmless, rom-com mediocrity
A Tale of Two Guns – bounty-hunting western travels worn-out trail
Black Site – oddly engrossing, action-espionage mediocrity
Dog – interestingly dark man’s-best-friend story
Scream – big-budget, mediocre fan fiction
Supercool – teen comedy mediocrity
Alone Together – muted rom-com mediocrity
Panama – slightly compelling Drug War mediocrity
Redeeming Love – mediocre Christian porn
The Northman – Viking revenge mediocrity
Emily the Criminal – millennial moral dilemma mediocrity
Lightyear – rocketman prequel fizzles
Memory – geezer action mediocrity
Dead for a Dollar – Western showdown mediocrity
Blacklight – more geezer action mediocrity
The Contractor – wounded warrior mediocrity
Agent Game – mediocre action TV pilot
Shattered – “Misery” redux as gory mediocrity
Last Seen Alive – an incomprehensively ridiculous ending
Gone in the Night – below-average highbrow horror
Poker Face – goes all-in on incoherence
The Devil You Know – sub-mediocre family drama
Confession – commits sin of boredom
Assailant – annoying married couple vs. annoyinger psychopath
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Here is a ranking of Bruce Willis films I saw in 2022, regardless of year released. Given his diminished state, and his films’ interchangeable banality, they require their own category.
Apex – rich murderers vs. murderous ex-cop – interestingly derivative
Gasoline Alley – hookers and cons vs. dirty cops – sloppy
Cosmic Sin – discredited general vs. warrior aliens – unfortunately ponderous
Deadlock – vengeful vet vs. hungover vet – preposterously compelling
Paradise City – bounty hunting ex-cop vs. John Travolta (?) – mildly interesting
Vendetta – crime boss vs. Marine dad – messy gun porn
Trauma Center – crooked cops vs. old cop vs. waitress – tedious
Wrong Place – widower ex-cop vs. dimwitted crook – boring
A Day to Die – corrupt chief vs. triple-crossing mercenaries, gangsters – incoherent
American Siege – alcoholic sheriff vs. hostage takers vs. militia – nonsensical
Fortress: Sniper’s Eye – wounded mercenary vs. vengeful protege – gratuitous drivel
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