Stepmom

It starts out like a cliché rom-com variation in which a spurned wife goes to war against the woman who replaced her. You expect hijinks to ensue and the mismatched moms in “Stepmom” (1998) to eventually unite against some type of greater evil, with hilariously heartwarming results. However, the greater evil is cancer, an uneasy truce suffices for teamwork, sadness befalls everyone, and there’s lots of speeches that sound like they were edited by a committee of Hallmark-approved psychologists. It’s a box-of-Kleenex, pint-of-ice-cream tearjerker that will make you happy it ruined your night, if you’re into these kinds of movies.

The Witches of Eastwick

“The Witches of Eastwick” (1987) is an ugly little troll of a movie hiding behind a trio of screen hotties (Cher, Pfeiffer, Sarandon). It’s Jack Nicholson at his worst. He’s a sweet-talking stranger who rolls into town and starts sweeping women off their feet (hijinks ensue). It’s not hard to figure out the secret he’s hiding. It’s also not hard to imagine this being a cinematic parody of Nicholson’s actual, real-life romantic relationships. I mean, the dude is gross looking, but he’s talented and rich and can seemingly get laid whenever he wants. I sympathized with all the on-screen vomiting.

Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps

One of the themes of “Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps” (2010) is that time is more precious than money. It makes me wonder, then, why filmmaker Oliver Stone fritters away 133 minutes while creating no suspense whatsoever. Even a motorcycle race between lead characters goes nowhere. Why? Granted, this film is about the 2008 world financial meltdown, so we kinda know how the story goes. Still, Stone could have added subplots with more intensity than a boring love story and a boringer lesson in Macroeconomics 101. Instead, he’s too busy trying to humanize Gordon Gekko, an all-time great villain. Why?