Archives for posts with tag: Sandra Bullock

The irony of “Bullet Train” (2022) is that it takes about 20 minutes too long to get to its destination. Not that it’s a bad movie, if you can get beyond the implausibility of a multiple-assassin showdown on Japanese public transit. (And also close your eyes to the increasingly ridiculous violations of the laws of physics.) Hapless Brad Pitt’s Zen-fueled express ride through the valley of death has the same joie de vivre that makes Guy Ritchie’s and Quentin Tarantino’s films darkly absurd instead of darkly grotesque. Unfortunately, it gets to be too talky and twisted, requiring an overlong untangling.

Richard Harris does so much static bloviating in “Wrestling Ernest Hemingway” (1993), I checked to see if it was based on a play. Alas, Steve Conrad had adapted his own short story. It’s an opposites-attract film in which Harris’ drunken Irish ancient mariner finds a friend in an introverted, retired Cuban barber played by Robert Duvall (Sandra Bullock and Shirley MacLaine provide support). Yes, Duvall plays an old Cuban man while Harris basically plays himself and yet somehow Duvall is more believable. While Harris chews the scenery, Duvall’s mannered nibbling makes you wish the film had been more about him.

If Sandra Bullock weren’t so darn adorable, “Two if by Sea” (1996) would have been a total suckfest. This romantic/caper/comedy/somethingorother follows a template: Underprivileged Girl With Big Dreams is somehow romantically entangled with Loser Smalltime Crook. They spend half the movie bickering and she becomes attracted to Man Who is Fool’s Gold. Smalltime Crook does something noble, Fool’s Gold turns out to be a d-bag, you see every turn of the plot coming from a mile away, The End. There’s no Happily Ever After because you know Smalltime will do something stupid again five minutes after the movie is over.