It was hard to review “Draft Day” (2014). I don’t even know what it was supposed to be. A two-hour infomercial for the official car, truck, pizza, cellphone and television network(s) of the NFL? An NFL propaganda piece to overdramatize the annual college player draft so that it becomes completely untethered to reality? A star vehicle to prove that Kevin Costner can still bang actresses half his age? This movie is so preposterous, so implausible, so convoluted, so overwrought, so overacted, it became slightly entertaining. Like a car wreck. But with clown cars. Full of football players. And Jennifer Garner.
Archives for posts with tag: Sam Elliott
Can’t anybody give a speech in a movie? Not a monologue. A speech. Room full of people, notecards, PowerPoint, whatever. Make your point and step away. No! There’s the Speech 180, where Actor stops in the middle and instead speechifies about the moral epiphany which caused them to reject whatever they were originally speechifying about. Or the Raincheck, where Actor stops, silently epiphanizes and rushes off to their sweetie. I was really liking “Up in the Air” (2009) until George Clooney pulls a Raincheck. But sweetie shoots him down! Ha! It made me start liking the movie all over again.
It’s hard to keep up with all the different movies that have been made from Marvel Comics characters. A good rule of thumb is that if Robert Downey Jr. isn’t in it, it’s probably not any good. Take “Hulk” (2003), not to be confused with 2008’s “The Incredible Hulk.” Yes, “Hulk” was so bad they took a do-over five years later. Eric Bana proves that green is just as one-dimensional as white. Sam Elliott is army green and also perpetually angry. Nick Nolte looks like he just had his mug shot taken. Watery-eyed Jennifer Connelly plays the only likeable character.
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