At one point in “Dolittle” (2020), Robert Downey Jr.’s doctor must sail to a place that’s never been found. The film itself also ends up in no man’s land – too formulaic to be interesting yet too quirky to have broad appeal. There’s lots of CG animals voiced by Hollywood celebrities. A couple of kids coax zoo-bound Downey out of retirement. High seas hijinks ensue. Downey channels Johnny Depp and tops it with a delicious crypto-Scottish accent. Antonio Banderas plays some kind of pirate. He’s fascinating to look at and listen to but, like the film, doesn’t do anything particularly memorable.
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It doesn’t take an effing genius to figure out “Bad Santa 2” (2016) wouldn’t be as good as the original because Bernie Mac is effing dead, so is John Ritter, and Heather Graham must have been too effing busy to answer the phone. Half the main characters (Santa-suited safe cracker Billy Bob Thornton, elf Tony Cox, clueless Brett Kelly) are back, but that’s just not enough. There was something about the original that made its degenerate nature a guilty pleasure. This one has too much dirty and not enough whimsy. Like a 21-year-old Thurman Merman, the effing innocence is gone.
Holiday movies always make me a little nostalgic. Take “Bad Santa” (2003), where Billy Bob Thornton and Tony Cox are a felonious Kris Kringle and elfin accessory. I miss the comedic talents of the late Bernie Mac and John Ritter, who ably played supporting roles. It’s also where I first met Lauren Graham. I’m not the target demographic for “Gilmore Girls,” so witnessing her sweet flakiness as a kinky bartender was like a partially unwrapped present just for me. Memories. If you’re not smitten by her, the film’s subversively sharp writing will suffice. You’ll have a hilariously blue (language) Christmas.
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