The Man From U.N.C.L.E.

I watched “The Man from U.N.C.L.E.” (2015) with my mom, who is old enough to remember the 1960s TV show. Her assessment? “I liked it, but I don’t think young people would like it, because it’s too quiet.” What she means is that while it’s an action movie, it’s not a video game or a comic book. It’s an actual spy movie with an actual spy plot, human-scale action sequences, and a stylish level of subtlety and pacing that might come across as “quiet” to an 83-year-old woman. Or “boring” to a 16-year-old boy; thus its box-office struggles not surprising.

 

Nine Months

No man who possesses functioning testicles should ever watch “Nine Months” (1995). Ever. I’m serious. It might be the chickiest chick flick of all time. Possibly banned in Russia for being blatant propaganda for Whipped Nation, starring Hugh Grant and his ridiculous, girl-looking Supercuts hairdo. The plot is Every Woman’s Dream: She gets pregnant; he throws away his life and cuts off his nuts. Other hijinks ensue, but that’s not important. This movie’s only reason for being is to perpetuate female delusions. Too bad, really, because Julianne Moore was totally hot. And, strangely, so was a buff, tan Jeff Goldblum.