Archives for posts with tag: Chuck Norris

The most surprising thing about “Redemption Day” (2021) is it has the audacity to hint at a sequel. Otherwise, this extract-the-hostage flick is a replating of the same baloney sandwich first served 30-plus years ago by Chuck Norris and his action-hero brethren. There’s classic implausibility – an expert archaeologist gets abducted because she can’t figure out the border between Algeria and Morocco (I guess that’s why she’s not a geographist) but just so happens to be married to a Medal of Honor security operator with severe PTSD. There’s also an obligatoraly sleazy CIA handler, enabling heroic yet cynical hijinks to ensue.

Halfway through “Hard Kill” (2020), a good-guy mercenary says, “it’s getting dark fast,” yet more than a dozen bad-guy mercenaries get killed and several banal speeches are given – and someone solves a Rubik’s Cube! – before the movie concludes. AND IT NEVER GETS DARK!!! This film also never gets interesting. Bad guys get their hands on a magic computer program so powerful it can save the world or end it. Corporate chieftain Bruce Willis hires good-guy mercenaries, who try to save the day while uttering moronic dialogue. I’m surprised Chuck Norris or Steven Seagal didn’t make this movie 30 years ago.

Remember what I said about “The Expendables” trumpeting an era of video-game-style movie violence? Well, “The Expendables 2” (2012) is the same thing all over again, except Sylvester Stallone didn’t even try to come up with an interesting subplot this time. The all-star team from Action Hero Retirement Home (Holy shit! Chuck Norris!) takes a testosterone ride to some godforsaken locale for a mercenary mission that comes with a side order of righteous revenge. As before, people don’t just die, they go down in a hail of bullets and a mist of arterial spray. That’s all you need to know.