The Hateful Eight

For the first half of “The Hateful Eight” (2015) (BTW, I counted nine relatively hateful main characters, but anyway…), there is surprisingly little violence. There is, however, a scene in which bounty hunter Kurt Russell expresses concern that a duplicitous co-conspirator will get jumpy and reveal themselves. The jumpy one turns out to be Quentin Tarantino, who could no longer hold back his violent instincts and unleashes a torrent of blood that drowns what had been a downright Hitchcockian Western mystery. I’m not stupid. I know Tarantino deals in the visceral. But there’s usually a payoff. Here, not so much.

 

Broken City

In “Broken City” (2013), everybody’s dirty. Everybody has a secret. (Except for Alona Tal. She’s just adorable.) What was I saying? Oh, yeah, “Broken City” is so dirty, it’s very hard to like. It’s like Bostonian Mark Wahlberg made this movie just to make you hate New York and everyone in it (except Alona Tal). Wahlberg and Russell Crowe have star power as a tainted cop and tainteder mayor, but the film noirish revenge/murder/double-cross plot is a mess. (Oh, and another thing. How is Kyle Chandler in every movie that Channing Tatum isn’t in all of a sudden? Dude’s prolific.)

Magic Mike

Two things. First, is Channing Tatum in every friggin movie? Second, what does it say about a movie when Channing Tatum is “the smart one?” Now that I’ve got that off my chest, let’s talk about “Magic Mike” (2012). It’s about strippers and bullshit. Matthew McConaughey reminds me of a boss I had that kept saying he was going to get that paperwork glitch taken care of and never did. Except he’s half naked. McConaughey, not my ex-boss. Tatum plays mentor to a douchebag wannabe something-or-other. Thank god for Cody Horn, who plays an uptight older sister with adorable frowniness.