Beautiful & Twisted

Maybe sometimes you just want to watch some weird-ass shit. If that’s the case, “Beautiful & Twisted” (2015) is the weird-ass shit for you. Paz Vega’s black widow character is mesmerizingly, frighteningly sexy, like a Latina Teri Hatcher with a gun pointed at your nutsack. Rob Lowe seems like he’s playing a reject from one of his DirecTV commercials (“Hi, I’m Rob Lowe!” “And I’m super kinky, coked-out zillionaire Rob Lowe!”). It’s based on a true story, which would be totally unbelievable, except it takes place in Miami, the weird-ass shit capital of the world, which makes it totally believable.

 

A Merry Friggin’ Christmas

“A Merry Friggin’ Christmas” (2014) was one of Robin Williams’ last movies. I know you might feel guilty about not liking it, but that’s OK, because this movie isn’t that good. (I can imagine the conversation that went on in some Hollywood development meeting: “Picture ‘Planes, Trains and Automobiles’ meets ‘Christmas Vacation.’ It’s pure gold, I tell ya!”) So anyway, the guy from “Community” stars as the prodigal son of a dysfunctional family, of which Williams is the foul-mouthed, boozy patriarch. Cliched Christmas hijinks ensue. Road movie hijinks ensue. Sloppy plot construction and awkwardly staged family melodrama ensue. Sorry, Robin.