Ever seen a movie with so many halfway decent actors and so much half-ass dialogue and continuity errors that it just leaves you paralized? That’s right, paralized. Just like the “paralized” headline I saw in the Pittsburgh newspaper during “Striking Distance” (spellcheck hates me right now). This 1993 detective flick has a lineup that runs from Bruce Willis and Sarah Jessica Parker to Andre Braugher and Timothy Busfield. But infamous writer/director Rowdy Herrington also has people with two crutches and then no crutches and then one crutch, buttoned-then-unbuttoned shirts and a hilariously preposterous car chase. Except this isn’t a comedy.

Two thirds of the way through “Collateral Beauty” (2016) I was starting to wear down. The story, about a man (not) coping with his daughter’s death, was work. But I hung in there. This deep dive of a film let me up enough to see the surface, even if I couldn’t take a breath just yet. I thought I had the plot twist figured out. I was (almost) right. I didn’t go away happy, but at least I wasn’t sad. This kind of film is OK, once in a while. The cinematic world can’t be all superheroes and fart jokes.

“Forever Young” (1992) is like a labradoodle. It’s a harmlessly cute cross-breed (the result of mating romantic comedy with science fiction). What’s amazing is how easily this film could have become mutant offspring. You’ve got Mel Gibson as a 1939 test pilot who agrees to get cryogenically frozen after his girlfriend falls into a coma, then gets accidentally thawed out after he’d been accidentally forgotten for 50 years. Hijinks ensue: culture shock, military conspiracies, awkward romance, etc. Thankfully, every time the plot could have crashed and burned, the filmmakers pull back on the throttle, so to speak. “Forever Young.” Labradoodle.

My cynical take on “Patriots Day” (2016) is movie producer Mark Wahlberg gave movie director Peter Berg money to do what Peter Berg does best, which is to make movie star Mark Wahlberg look like some kind of everyman hero. However, Berg is such a masterful storyteller he makes Wahlberg practically superfluous despite making him ridiculously ubiquitous. Seriously. You could have cut much of Wahlberg’s screen time, reduced the film by 20 minutes and ended up with an indy-style Boston Marathon bombing film instead of an emotionally exploitative, big-budget cliche. Sorry if that makes me a bad American, but it’s true.

I could spend the whole 100 words of “The Addams Family” (1991) talking about how smoking hot Anjelica Huston is as Morticia. I mean, she is a simmering cauldron of restrained sensuality. But I’d get all kinds of restraining orders and stuff, so I’ll stop. This film was part of the first wave of reboots based on old TV shows. With its morbid humor (the family is a conglomeration of witches and monsters), the show was an acquired taste, but it was pretty well executed (see what I did there?). A little cartoonish (hijinks ensue!), but so was the original.

Before we start talking about the movie, let’s face facts. Jessica Lange is batshit crazy. So her great “acting” playing all those mentally ill characters may not be acting after all. That being said, “Men Don’t Leave” (1990) is a quirky look at how the death of a spouse turns a normal American family upside-down. Since Lange is playing herself as the depressed, crazy mom, the supporting players (Arliss Howard, Chris O’Donnell) are far more interesting. Best of all is Joan Cusack as a cougariffic x-ray technician with a heart of gold. Joan Cusack, I would carry you two miles.

It’s presumptuous to announce in April the worst movie of 2017, so let’s just say “Arsenal” is the leader in the clubhouse. (Spoiler alert: It’s not about the soccer team.) A bunch of B-list actors (Cage, Cusack, Grenier) and some meathead I never heard of (Schaech) perform a Mississippi Delta white trash version of the good brother, bad brother film conceit. Awful dialogue. Bad (Cage, Schaech) and/or indifferent (Cusack, Grenier) acting. Obscenely bloody, stylized violence that seems geared toward 16-year-old gamers. Question: Why would they watch this crappy movie when pretty much any bloodbath video game is better than this?