My annual movie ranking. Criteria: films widely released to theaters/streaming/DVD in 2022 that I watched in 2022 that weren’t Bruce Willis movies. See below for Bruce. Links to reviews where I had time to insert them.

Top Gun: Maverick – perfectly fulfills demands of sequeldom

Last Looks – evokes Elmore Leonard’s Hollywood

Elvis – caught in narrative trap, can’t walk out

The Batman – familiar hero weighed down by history

Everything Everywhere All at Once – Tiger Mom learns to kill with kindness

Nope – another Jordan Peele mind bomb

Downton Abbey: A New Era – beautiful, romantic, period-costumed junk food

The Lost City – fun rip-off of “Raiders,” “Stone”

The Black Phone – ’70s style overcomes horror substance

The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent – ironically mediocre self-parody of mediocrity

Father Stu – Mark Wahlberg’s suprisingly moving ne’er-do-well

Bandit – refreshingly fun Canadian caper flick

Where the Crawdads Sing – upwardly mobile product of a low-ceiling genre

Last Survivors – surprising May-December mediocrity

Weird: The Al Yankovic Story – flawed but funny mock biopic

Don’t Worry Darling – Rat Pack rat race doesn’t end well

Bullet Train – actioner bogs down under its own weightiness

Delia’s Gone – bleak yet compelling mystery

Death on the Nile – bluesy but downbeat whodunit

Moonfall – alien armageddon flick jettisons common sense

Uncharted – Indiana Jones-style video game mediocrity

The 355 – run-of-the-(fe)mill spy flick

The Bad Guys – comfortably unoriginal animation mediocrity

Secret Headquarters – kid-driven superhero mediocrity

Ambulance – antiquated action mediocrity

Morbius – (medical) textbook comic-book mediocrity

Marry Me – harmless, rom-com mediocrity

A Tale of Two Guns – bounty-hunting western travels worn-out trail

Black Site – oddly engrossing, action-espionage mediocrity

Dog – interestingly dark man’s-best-friend story

Scream – big-budget, mediocre fan fiction

Supercool – teen comedy mediocrity

Alone Together – muted rom-com mediocrity

Panama – slightly compelling Drug War mediocrity

Redeeming Love – mediocre Christian porn

The Northman – Viking revenge mediocrity

Emily the Criminal – millennial moral dilemma mediocrity

Lightyear – rocketman prequel fizzles

Memory – geezer action mediocrity

Dead for a Dollar – Western showdown mediocrity

Blacklight – more geezer action mediocrity

The Contractor – wounded warrior mediocrity

Agent Game – mediocre action TV pilot

Shattered – “Misery” redux as gory mediocrity

Last Seen Alive – an incomprehensively ridiculous ending

Gone in the Night – below-average highbrow horror

Poker Face – goes all-in on incoherence

The Devil You Know – sub-mediocre family drama

Confession – commits sin of boredom

Assailant – annoying married couple vs. annoyinger psychopath


Here is a ranking of Bruce Willis films I saw in 2022, regardless of year released. Given his diminished state, and his films’ interchangeable banality, they require their own category.

Apex – rich murderers vs. murderous ex-cop – interestingly derivative

Gasoline Alley – hookers and cons vs. dirty cops – sloppy

Cosmic Sin – discredited general vs. warrior aliens – unfortunately ponderous

Deadlock – vengeful vet vs. hungover vet – preposterously compelling

Paradise City – bounty hunting ex-cop vs. John Travolta (?) – mildly interesting

Vendetta – crime boss vs. Marine dad – messy gun porn

Trauma Center – crooked cops vs. old cop vs. waitress – tedious

Wrong Place – widower ex-cop vs. dimwitted crook – boring

A Day to Die – corrupt chief vs. triple-crossing mercenaries, gangsters – incoherent

American Siege – alcoholic sheriff vs. hostage takers vs. militia – nonsensical

Fortress: Sniper’s Eye – wounded mercenary vs. vengeful protege – gratuitous drivel