We find out pretty quick that “Siberia” (2018) is not a “John Wick” knockoff when Keanu Reeves takes on two guys outside a bar – and promptly gets his ass kicked. Yes, Keanu is involved in some kind of shady international dealings. Yes, Keanu is menaced by scary mobsters and whatever the KGB is called nowadays. But this Keanu is married to Molly Ringwald (even though we never really see them together – kind of like that Pacino-De Niro thing in “Heat.”). Result: this is simply a dismal parable about what happens when a traveling businessman lets his penis do the thinking.