No man who possesses functioning testicles should ever watch “Nine Months” (1995). Ever. I’m serious. It might be the chickiest chick flick of all time. Possibly banned in Russia for being blatant propaganda for Whipped Nation, starring Hugh Grant and his ridiculous, girl-looking Supercuts hairdo. The plot is Every Woman’s Dream: She gets pregnant; he throws away his life and cuts off his nuts. Other hijinks ensue, but that’s not important. This movie’s only reason for being is to perpetuate female delusions. Too bad, really, because Julianne Moore was totally hot. And, strangely, so was a buff, tan Jeff Goldblum.

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